This week in MKMMA we are engaging the fact that in our brain circuitry, what wires together fires together. As we add more layers into the exercises, with colors and shapes, we start to play with how these exercises help us actively and consciously rewire the neural network that runs our subconscious.
So far, we have three sets of index cards:
- Service cards
- Plan of action cards
- Flow cards
All of them work together synergistically to set our subconscious mind to manifest our two main Personal Pivotal Needs (PPN) and our Definite Major Purpose (DMP).
But this principle that what wires together fires together also helped me with a personal crises that popped up in my life at the beginning of the week.
A friend was given an assignment to conduct an interview with someone close to her about their worst day. We did a very short interview on Monday.
My worst day happened when I had a bone marrow test when I was 3 years old. I have blocked the memory of that test from my mind, but have begun to understand recently how that blocked memory has affected me hugely and unconsciously my whole life.
For most people, their “worst” day experience is often when they have lost someone they loved, or perhaps something very traumatic happened to them. There is often pain, physical, emotional, psychological, maybe even spiritual pain associated with these “worst” days in our lives. It’s not unusual for people’s minds to block the memory of hugely distressful experiences.
This interview triggered an energetic, emotional episode that usually knocks me completely off my feet. When this happens I will find myself crying uncontrollably. I often feel pain in my left hand. I am close to hyper-ventilating like in a panic attack, and I feel like I’m going to vomit.
My whole life I’ve experienced this and I never understood what was happening to me, or why.
Remember this, it’s important:
Just because we have no conscious memory of something doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect us.
Over the years, as I’ve tried to deal with this issue, my conscious mind would grasp at what I could remember. I would work with what I could remember but nothing would heal the problem.
In a way, I was grasping at straws.
When the emotional torrent burst forward in this short interview, I realized that there must be a connection between this and what I couldn’t remember about the bone marrow test.
In retrospect, and with much reflection and contemplation this week about all of this, I now understand that these very difficult episodes I’ve experienced for as long as I can remember are actually Post Traumatic Stress episodes from the bone marrow test when I was three.
I feel that with the work we’ve been doing in MKMMA that Universal Mind, or Infinite Intelligence, brought this forward so I could deal with it now, because it needed to be healed and resolved so that I could manifest my PPNs and DMPs.
I spent the better part of Monday, and all day Tuesday, journalling on this issue to gain clarity on what I was actually dealing with, and much of it had to do with what happens when all four forms of pain, coupled with an existential crises, are wired into your neural network in a way that sits in your unconscious, creating double binds and triple binds. Everything was all entangled.
All of this was wired together in a way that when triggered would essentially take over my emotional/physical/psychological state, in an unconscious effort to heal the initial trauma.
For years now, I have used a little known but amazing protocol, TATLife, to unravel these sorts of issues in my brain circuitry.
So, with my new clarity on the situation, I ran a TATLife on this issue late Tuesday night. I could literally feel my brain rewiring itself during the night.
For the first time in my life, I am free from the suffering of that experience.
No pain in my left hand.
No feeling like I’m about to vomit.
None of the other very uncomfortable sensations that happen with these episodes.
Yaay!!!! (As Dinny does a Happy Dance.) 🙂